tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62625952011-09-17T03:43:13.022-07:00tit for tat, pish for pash!don't force it, don't fight itsusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.comBlogger861100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1160685799890586612006-10-12T13:37:00.000-07:002006-10-12T13:46:24.723-07:00STEALDo you steal? do you like to steal? Do you have specific stratedgies when you steal? Do you steal when you need something and can't afford it? Do you steal when you want something and can't have it? Do you steal for the thrill of it? Are you scared of stealing? Do you have certain ways you steal? Certain strategies? Do you have rules for yourself, like only stealing from certain susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1148184702328612892006-05-20T21:11:00.000-07:002006-05-20T21:11:42.343-07:00went to a mountain today. I realize i need to be on one, alone, for at least....2 days? 3 days? get my thinking straight. i went with my friend Melissa, it was amazing and inspiring, even though i wasn't alone.we talked about bio-electricity, and the electromagentism of the body. How she has seizures and seizures are literally electricity running through your body. and how artists are really in susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1134780976256653102005-12-16T16:43:00.000-08:002005-12-26T12:54:57.320-08:00BLOG SQUAD #4messy. piles of clothes, dust, hair, cockroach bodies, little scraps of garbage, probably rotting apple cores. lots of clothes. we sometimes would not know what to do at all about how to clean it when we were finally asked and finally begrudgened. one solution was to sweep EVERYTHING--all clothes, toys, dirt, school papers, pencil stubs, paperclips, dust bunnies into one big hugesusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1133981233949300192005-12-07T10:46:00.000-08:002005-12-07T10:47:13.960-08:00AUXILLARY CAPILLARY BLOG SQUADentry...4? 5?write in as much detail as you can about your room when you were 8. memories from year 7 or 9 are acceptable as well.susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1133801962444975942005-12-05T08:43:00.000-08:002005-12-05T08:59:22.486-08:00my dream this morning was this, this part of it i mean: a girl had an abortion, in the woods, away from work (or, a work party picnic in the woods), on the way to the beach. in the part of the woods where the ground start to become a little sandy because of the beach. that feeling of women with short hair and dogs in the air, warmly dressed. A buddist priest, but very secular was presiding susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1133190655889461912005-11-28T06:38:00.000-08:002005-11-28T07:29:17.430-08:00AMAZING FUNjoy of realityCONSTANCYhigh entertainment times--from a shirt i bought in Shilin for 3 US dollarsdid i already write of my very painfull foot message in Shilin at midnight? i even was like "erghhhh" and she knew but she kept doing it hard. really hard. also too i think i haven't been in my feet very much here. Taipei is not a very grounded place, the people work and study and shop susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1133072513074306342005-11-26T21:28:00.000-08:002005-11-26T22:21:53.113-08:00SHU FUthis is appreantly what the girls in Taiwanese porn say, as they are being did..."auh....shufu! shufu!" which translates as "comfortable! comfortable!" they aren't probably yelling it, just softly letting it out of thier bodies. We learned this fun fact at a thanksgiving dinner we went to on friday, at this fancy lady's house. It was a weird mix of people: gay men who had various jobs (susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1132914498211757612005-11-25T01:30:00.000-08:002005-11-25T02:28:18.236-08:00Ni Ha! this is how they say hello in Tai Pei, not ni hao ma like in china. It's pretty dreamy here, i have to admit. Walking into a 7-11 confirmed it. All the drinks were milk teas, guava and passionfruit boxs, pokki and chocolates from europe, amazing seaweed snacks, little pre made hand rolls, chinese fashion mags, fresh smoked (preserved?) eggs....i sighed and said to myself: ah, susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1132819997682021362005-11-23T23:45:00.000-08:002005-11-24T00:13:17.693-08:00Madaaamthis is what i was called all over the airport by all the thai women working there: madaaam, the daaam being very nasally. i wrote to amber bell (see: axillary capillary blog squad), that i love the way thai sounds, it sounds like a baby speaking while sucking on his mother's teat, with something in it's mouth, or the sounds coming out of the nose and bouncing off soft skin with little susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1132636976823622462005-11-21T20:42:00.000-08:002005-11-21T21:22:56.870-08:00SPECIAL TEA (please note: i am so sorry for the awful spelling of my last post. some combination of my brain not working from so much busy and hazyness in my lungs and not being around enough english and trying to wrap my head around 2 different new languages and finding my way around and making sure my manners are correct and writing posts late at night, this is what produced that.susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1132234133166530742005-11-17T04:51:00.000-08:002005-11-17T05:28:53.220-08:00dankinnn--YA! so. what's here? yesterday i felt so amazing here. in a subtle way, that's how kathmandu is. SO subtle, maybe it's the weather, the amzinging is the subtle feeling of the warm but not blazing sun right inbetween summer and fall, or fall and winter. the nice days were it isn't cold. but not bright, see bright is what fall feels like to me. it's not bright here, but..diffused.susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1131625143266529462005-11-10T03:17:00.000-08:002005-11-10T04:19:51.660-08:00VOTE FOR SUN i am writing that to everyone from kathmandu, you see it written in chalk on the sides of buildings all over here, given the current state of deomocracy (both here and the US) I wonder if this is a defeated joke or some heartfull declaration of hope, beyond the mess of politics. i often wonder why i am here. SE Asia is no marvel like it was the first time i was here. the susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1126943213286176022005-09-17T00:31:00.000-07:002005-09-19T10:54:44.496-07:00THE LONELINESS OF THE LONGdistance runner, is it like...? I'm going to get in trouble for this, i'm going to get in trouble for this, butis it like the loneliness of the pretty girl? yeah with pretty girls, they (not the girls) either want too much or expect too little. are too grabby or stay away, don't even bother. and, well, pretty girls are not GORGEOUS girls, they do not have all the susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1121402534528133922005-07-14T19:53:00.000-07:002005-07-14T21:42:14.556-07:00DEAR WORLD: Today coming home from work I saw a blind man roller bladeing. He had a cane, I don't know how exactly blind he was, but he was wobbling a little, he was wearing shades... it seemed like one of those too perfect inspirational moments that someone motivational would talk about...." And this man was blind folks, BLIND....yet, he wanted to ROLLER BLADE and god dammit, he DID.... he susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1118042494698009252005-06-05T23:55:00.000-07:002005-06-06T00:21:34.706-07:00GOAT ISLANDthe other day i saw a man whose nose was half eaten away. The top, the part that is supposed to be farthest away from his face, it was now just missing. What was left was black and brownish and have lots of holes in it like lava rock. He asked me for a dollar, I gave him one. He said "how about 2....just this once." Well, yeah, naturally, my other dollar, my only 2 dollars right susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1117131847683571622005-05-26T11:12:00.000-07:002005-05-26T11:24:07.690-07:00Watermelon and Watercress Salad with Ginger 2 T. rice vinegar (I used the seasoned one)1-1/2 T. vegetable oil2 t. minced peeled fresh ginger (or thinly sliced into match sticks)1-1/2 t. grated lime peel1 garlic clove, minced2 c. ½ inch pieces peeled, seedless watermelon1 large bunch watercress, thick stems trimmed (about 2 c. packed)1 c. ½ inch pieces peeled, seeded cucumber (about ½ large)4 susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1115780348370961932005-05-10T19:53:00.000-07:002005-05-10T19:59:08.373-07:00wow... i feel like the last entry was really had to everyone to write, everyone maybe took their time with it? actually, maybe not, just me. but one didn't write it, and it seems like most people's last entry? i know the last few weeks have been busy for me. last few days sort of hard. ruminating on hard stuff.MUSIC : Platinum Pied Pipers -- i can't tell if it's good, if it's bad, or if i susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1115779452238286502005-05-10T19:04:00.000-07:002005-05-10T19:44:12.346-07:00BLOG SQUAD ENTRY #3---LyingFAVORITE KINDS OF LYING-- when covering up your tracks to make a surprise for someone, --when someone is lying to me for these reasons lying on a resume, lying on a mat in the sun having someone lie to me, then tell me that they were lying and them being really sorry for it---them confessing and i didn't even have susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1113799927604093102005-04-17T21:29:00.000-07:002005-04-17T21:52:07.606-07:00"mystic pizza":pizza mystic OR "Mom, can i borrow the gazing ball out of the front yard for a few hours?"FIRST OR LAST COURSE:toasted almondspeararugula, the leaves and the flowers (which are creamy off white crosses with maroon viens)fennellettuce (butter and/or red)sorrel flowers (which are prickly and hairy, purple)olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper, apple cider vinegarSECOUND:lots of susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1113599744051883002005-04-15T13:16:00.000-07:002005-04-15T14:15:44.056-07:00FOOD IS ALIVE i taped a sign that says this on my refridgerator because i always forget. It's easy to forget when a lot of food comes dried, canned, boxed. But, you know, vegetables, especially, i forget. And don't really even know how to store them. It's another form of house plants that i get overwhelmed by my lack of specific knowledge of caring for, which inhibits me from doing the susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1113329873079532322005-04-12T11:13:00.000-07:002005-04-12T11:17:53.080-07:00AUXILLARY CAPILLARY BLOG SQUAD: entry #3: "lying" chosen by Samanthayes....it's being a little while, but it's nice to come back to. CAPILLARIES: what do you think of setting up a blog squad blog, on that we all can post on, and all of our entries would be together in one place? or do you like going to all the individual pages....? We would still have our individual blogs susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1113293441148875022005-04-12T00:49:00.000-07:002005-04-12T01:21:34.250-07:00GOOD THINGS days off (part time jobs?) sun sencha yamata (hot tea after walking around in the cold raininess) fab ic wo getting chores done WHILE getting to hang out with friends boys with black hair who wear turquize sweaters space: giving it and getting it blooming dogwoods old trees, canopys reviving half dead greenssusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1112167428010328552005-03-29T23:15:00.000-08:002005-03-29T23:23:48.010-08:00BLOG SQUADEntry #2my color:Pink"no trespassing" sign, faded from red7 cherry (or apple) blossom trees in full bloombroken off blossoms on the sidewalk and in the grass, with dirt on the petalsdead worm bodydying dandilion stems"TRACKER" in hot pink on a jeepy sort of off-road vehicle"Mambo" wrappers, first 3 or so scattered inner wrappers (around each individual piece), then the main wrapper2 susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1111784065857170482005-03-25T12:52:00.000-08:002005-03-25T12:54:25.856-08:00AUXILLARY CAPILLARY BLOG SQUADRON:ENTRY #2:"Walking on Colors": chosen by: Rob Walk a city block or a country mile paying attention as much as possible to one color; list all the things found in this one color; write about it.rob suggests a deadline of sunday, but if it's later of course that's ok. do it when you can, Capillaries!susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1111640622222528592005-03-23T20:39:00.000-08:002005-03-25T13:01:08.170-08:00i'm bigger than all that (really?) really, i'm bigger than all that, all that all that.sew my mouth shut, i promise i will sew sew sew i want my time back. no promises. i promise.this thing i will. this thing i will do. we will invite you in, we will invite you in the room (you don't have to comesusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1111519968432230202005-03-22T11:07:00.000-08:002005-03-22T11:32:48.436-08:00Someone last night asked me why I make music. It seemed like a pointed question, like, maybe I didn’t seem excited about it. I had just ended playing them my music, and so maybe I thought it was a veiled way for them to say it wasn’t good, like “yeah, why the hell are you even do this, anyways?” So, I had to answer. Although it seemed too revealing. I was scared.I make music because out of susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1111295635965913782005-03-19T20:44:00.000-08:002005-03-19T21:13:55.966-08:00I AM ONLY WRITING IN THIS BECAUSE I AM BOREDdo you listen to Juana Molina? Did you know, in addition to making great records, she also stars on a sketch comedy show in Argentia where she is from? What a role model! I mean, what a perfect existence, to make beautiful music but also be able to be funny. Maybe all of her songs sound beautiful but all of her words are actually really funny.life susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110929041702689932005-03-15T15:23:00.000-08:002005-03-15T15:24:01.703-08:00AUXILLIARY CALLIPARY BLOG SQUADRONENTRY #1 : "chalk"the dust of it, the dust of it, don't eat it, don't eat it. The girls eat chalk when they don't get what they want,"the girls eat chalk when they don't get what they want!". IF you bang them both together: oh, yes, the black felt softness, so hard though, cleans it up though, not so, because it leaves the dust everywhere, where can it go? Write susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110860701186054762005-03-14T20:19:00.000-08:002005-03-15T15:31:42.516-08:00AUXILLIARY CAPILLARY BLOG SQUADRON IT'S ON!!!ASSIGNMENT ONE: "chalk" chosen by: AmberRE-INSTRUCTING OF THE INSTRUCTIONS: HOW TO JOIN THE SQUAD:you can write anything for any length about "chalk" (or whatever the theme is). Give me a link to your blog, and i will put you in my links. You should put my blog in your links, as well as everyone else who is in the SQUAD, if possible.susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110741078580391312005-03-13T10:54:00.000-08:002005-03-13T11:11:18.580-08:00THAT LAST ENTRYwhat a doozy. it is not as well written as i want. perhaps too revealing. and not all the way truthful. it's hard to know where to draw the line with this thing. it's public in a way, but then i also know that maybe 5 people at the most read it. oh well.BLOG ENTRY CLUB IS FORMING.so far......3 members? WE need: a name, and some way to link us all together. The first topic/susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110658966486134142005-03-12T08:08:00.000-08:002005-03-12T12:22:46.490-08:00LOOKING FOR RELIEF....but there is none. somehow i think i might get some from a telephone call, an e-mail. from...anywhere. i don't find it from putting things into my mouth, or not (say, eating or not eating). How can i find relief from myself, or that fundamental feeling deep inside of myself that no one loves me, no one has ever love me, i will never have love. IT IS: the most ridiculoussusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110411716504282432005-03-09T12:20:00.000-08:002005-03-09T15:45:39.126-08:00BE LIKE MIKE I don't think i ever wanted to be like Mike. I thought it was beautiful that he could fly through the air, maybe I wanted to do that. But, i guess, "everyone" wanted to "be like Mike". It's about power, right? He has so much, physical power, economic power, and he comes off as a nice guy, really. He's never gotten in any sort of trouble. Now I'm really curious about it. Whysusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110282853448541842005-03-08T03:31:00.000-08:002005-03-08T03:54:13.453-08:00DREAMS, are like stories. you have to learn how to read them, but once you start to understand the language, they can tell you the bare truth of a situation. Stories, also, are like dreams. It took me a long time to understand that. I had heard at least 2 writers say that writing was like dreaming, that it all unfolded sort of, and they just wrote it down, pieced it all together.i didn't susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1110019034952871812005-03-05T02:15:00.000-08:002005-03-05T02:37:14.953-08:00let's see....www.livejournal.com/users/suebeenathis is my old livejournal. i mean, technically, it's still alive. this is like, pure historical value. very sweet. No...i think that my interests were more interesting back then. i miss that me, a little. it made me real nostolgic. I can tell you more about her, if you want. OR, you can just read my old entries. i will add a link once the "susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1109839759094199742005-03-03T00:35:00.000-08:002005-03-03T00:49:19.096-08:00ten times everything, ten times everything. bring that back. i guess i could work there and not give them the secrets they are looking for. take ten, take ten times everything and put it down. put it down in writing , lie it out all in a row. why did i do all that? drag me down, not you but me. not lied out in a row but in some columns,yeah, we got to add it up. i wonder if you are awakesusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1109544146945122672005-02-27T14:15:00.001-08:002005-02-27T14:42:26.946-08:00i don't even know what it means to be crazy. i am having all this anxiety and i don't know where it is coming from. I am worried about money, so some is from that, but it's deeper than that. i think i am letting all these vibrations affect me.i have been thinking about what it means to be crazy. i am worried for some friends. I just don't understand, crazy. when someone tells me with susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1109403151961212602005-02-25T23:11:00.000-08:002005-02-25T23:32:31.963-08:00Movie: Character have you seen that one? it's really good. didn't win an oscar for best foreign film? it really sums up what it's like to be northern european. or something. mixing a song. you could, get wrapped up in having every nice little thing from every different track be in it. or you could just move the faders up and down and listen to it and do it like asusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108921187580756072005-02-20T09:25:00.000-08:002005-02-20T09:39:47.583-08:00move me. move me. move me to the left. move me to the left. you left me. you lift me you move me. move me. move me to the left. move me to the left. there is nothing left. you left. no, i left. i left me. i left me there. you moved me there. you met me there. you left me there. no, to the left of there. lift it up. that's it , lift it up. lift it up. that's it. that's it. susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108751381888523252005-02-18T10:18:00.000-08:002005-02-18T10:29:41.890-08:00MARKING TIME BY WATCHING THE SUN i get up in the morning by the sun brightly streaming through my window. i can tell what time it is by it's position in the sky. today i got up and knew it was 8:30 or so, but stayed in bed a little more. SCRAP PAPER----is turning into the US's largest export. "...Scrap paper is now the top American export by volume, according to the paper industry. susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108724815705340712005-02-18T02:49:00.000-08:002005-02-18T03:06:55.706-08:00DOING: bleaching floors dreaming up dream house, drawing plans for decor going on long walks through neighborhoods having the manager of my building buy me a chai, (asking me if i wanted to split a piece of pound cake with him, when i said :hmm..." he said "c'mon, live on the edge a little") going to dance performance going to dance party, susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108576792925438272005-02-16T09:45:00.000-08:002005-02-16T09:59:52.926-08:00"HOUSE OF SOUND"so, yesterday, not so bad. waking up with the bright sun right in your face makes it hard to be too depressed. but still, there's something, an ache in my lungs that is always there. my heart beating in funny new (old) ways, irregularly, i guess, but it always feels like it's trying to wrest out knots, break up tissue. like the beat is too big for the muscles, or it's trying susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108446038447436202005-02-14T21:22:00.000-08:002005-02-14T21:40:38.450-08:00I got home. i needed to check my checking account balance to make sure i would have enough money for a recent purchase to clear. I saw that my friend Khaela was on line. She is in Toronto, and i decided to try to audio chat her. She accepted, I started yelling "YO BABY YO BABY YO, YO BABY YO BABY YO!!" and she said "Hello, hey.... say Hi to Hamilton, Toronto...." "um, hi? are you susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108366179824949732005-02-13T23:12:00.000-08:002005-02-13T23:29:39.826-08:00WHEN SOMETHING"S REALLY OVERyou know when it's over, you really can see the ways it is happening. when things become utterly futile. the ways in which it is obvious there is no relevance. the reality can be disappointing sometimes, but necessary. I just remember the feeling---when you say the thing and you don't feel bad about yourself, you are not reaching out, just making the statement, andsusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1108259837439077772005-02-12T16:49:00.000-08:002005-02-12T17:57:17.443-08:00AI----FURARERU would you say it with "no" or "o"? "ni" ai no furareru desu? ie. ai ni furarete. watashi wa DEAR DEAR san ni furarete do ge ni natta (shite?). watashi no ai DEAR DEAR san ga ....no. ni.there is a group of girls playing jenga in the coffee shop. I think they could be from Japan, i think they are, but they look so "American". Is it their hair styles? they have bleach, susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1107893364085738152005-02-08T11:35:00.000-08:002005-02-08T12:09:24.086-08:00THE FIRST TIME I APPRICIATED DEATH METAL
i feel like i already wrote about this, but somehow it became important to me again this morning. I don't like any sort of metal music at all, normally, but one day i found something to admire. I was walking up to caliope, my decrepit old farm house which had just recently been bought by the W family. They were there doing work, tearing down garages, susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1107317152769187772005-02-01T19:40:00.000-08:002005-02-01T20:05:52.770-08:00 soo....it seems as though everyone in Portland is pretty friendly. Especially the people i don't know. And i'm carrying around this shell of feeling isolated and cold and distant. there is some sort of feeling....when i see people smoking, i want to smoke. i also want to drink coffee and also drink. food could come and go, or not. I am wearing eyeliner. Where is the joy i was starting? Isusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1107293904126782972005-02-01T13:10:00.000-08:002005-02-01T19:40:21.743-08:00HOLLA DOLLA
yesterday when i was trying to set up my little room, screwing shelves together, and the baltimore ghetto booty house remix of "Pony" by ginuwine came on, and it was THE deep song for me at that moment, so articulating my deepest. i was singing along so hard. it's so good i had to listen to it right now. it's obliterating my mind.
i guess it's good for...bolstering my new found susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1107052002689173812005-01-29T18:15:00.000-08:002005-01-29T18:26:42.690-08:00CHAOTIC CONJUNCTIONS PROCEED PERFECTION
there was an entry I wrote on thursday but i had to delete it because i was in such a bad mood and it was all just sourness.
I live in Portland, there are things to take care of: turing the gas on, putting the electricity in my name (both of those things will remind me of my bad credit), getting a job, getting food stamps and whatnot. It's cold and I amsusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1106680383237549672005-01-25T10:43:00.001-08:002005-01-25T11:13:03.236-08:00NO ONE'S ASKING YET
no one needs to know.
DEAR DEAR: lately i've been feeling ...sad for her? tender. sad and hating are both sort of egotistical. more like: interested in a catious way. just like i am with you. except i know you already so better, we easier slide into and by each other. i hold my reservations tightly, and we have some---one for an all day walk where we don't talk to each susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1105902431828763702005-01-16T10:51:00.000-08:002005-01-16T11:07:11.826-08:00NO ANIMALS DIED IN THE TSUNAMI
at least, this is what i've heard, my friend's mentor told her that. they all felt the vibrations and went towards higher land. I think about the times i've felt the vibrations---the night before Sept 11, i hardly slept, i heard footsteps going up and down the stairs, i heard loud loud pounding against our aluminum garage door, i was terrified all night. All thesusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1105759777129144002005-01-13T22:21:00.000-08:002005-01-16T11:21:03.883-08:00TI BOT PART 2
tibot, it means ...well, i was trying to find it on the internet...ti bot is from the thai tradtion, it's a term for when you read or perform written words, ti bot means "to hit", like striking a gong. you are making a sound. these sounds resonate. the resonations are the most important part--how the word relates to your body and field, in speaking and thinking. even when susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1105572075837154042005-01-12T10:40:00.000-08:002005-01-12T15:21:15.836-08:00DRIVE YOU HOME
drive you home. drive you home. hold your hand in the middle of the night. it's not right. you realize and take your hand apart, wipe the sweat off, but then put it back, but on top not intwined. this is how it felt, with him, the one most before this. the wanting but not having nights. drive you home, stay up all night, can't go to sleep because of the wanting. drive susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1105429629679776602005-01-10T23:14:00.000-08:002005-01-10T23:50:39.226-08:00TIBOT
words are sounds too. words are sounds too. words are cobbled together from bird chirps and the blowing breeze and grass crackling and gutteral noises of intestines, both water buffalo and human, the past all comes out.
DEAR DEAR: the words always must be connected to that silent place, (well, not always), that place of pure feeling (or even beyond) in order for them to be worth susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1104977067876300472005-01-05T17:14:00.000-08:002005-01-10T23:51:21.563-08:00 QUIT USING THE WORD GHETTO
i met someone from olympia, an older woman who had moved to my neighborhood in Minneapolis to go to school. She lived on 36th and 16th, I had lived on 37th and 17th, only to move to 37th and 13th later on. She said "yeah, I live in the most racially diverse neighborhood in the country, i bet. It's real ghetto." I think she probably picked up that "hip" little susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1104890185194370332005-01-04T17:47:00.000-08:002005-01-04T17:57:51.433-08:00BEYONCE IS NOT A COUNTRY GIRL
Dear Yes--
i was thinking about my country times when i was walking around the lake today. did i ever tell you about my country times, my train track times? when i was seeing the curved ice today, the dry almost white grass blowing in the wind today. this is november in Minnesota, early. or how it use to be. But then too it is still lush and green here, sosusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1097732805682214252004-10-13T22:16:00.000-07:002004-10-13T22:46:45.683-07:00IT'S BEEN AWHILE
i use to have a livejournal (www.livejornal.com/users/suebeena) i think some of the entries are okay but towards the end they get sort of whiny. In this blog and that i sometimes leave little non sensical entries, about some convoluded theory boarding on conspirary full of bad grammer and choppy sentences, the kind that make me wonder if i'll go crazy slowly like some susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1092551440916270482004-08-14T22:56:00.000-07:002004-08-14T23:30:40.916-07:00RIGHT NOW
i am trying to tie some threads together. they are:
tears for fears--- head over heels...it's inexplicable line of "it's so hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand"
my song "if i told you that i wore my heart on my sleeve --about flirting and sort of about image consciousness, onviously it goes before the head over heels song
there is the fear that you'll never get susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1090825909184446232004-07-25T23:35:00.000-07:002004-07-26T00:11:49.186-07:00PRATICE YOUR SCALES
i woul dif i could but my boyfriend is doing it. we started off improve contact dancing and then playing keyboards but what i can do in two hands he can do with 3 fingers...i'd rather play something else, like ffdrums. and i'm basically worthless drunk, unless i'm dancing or something. but now i want to cry, a pathetic mix of competition, of not feeling paid attention susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1089067608330943912004-07-05T15:43:00.000-07:002004-07-05T15:46:48.330-07:00the same rationality that birthed science and democracy also birth capitalism, so to make a true alternative to capitalism, we must continue shifting away from rationality. The problem with most systems to combat the ravages of capitalism is that they are still based in rationalism, and then it's like trying to put our a fire by taking a log from the fire and trying to stomp it out with that.susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1089022901099193002004-07-05T02:56:00.000-07:002004-07-05T03:21:41.100-07:00hey, ms DJ.... ("could you tell her to turn it down?")
ah, the burden of being ahead of your time. and ahead of your abilities. and not eating very well all day and then DJ'ing for 6 hours. And having the speakers on the floor, behind barstools, and people siting in front of them, making it virtually impossible to tell how loud things actually are, and making it really easysusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1088560461906411402004-06-29T17:00:00.001-07:002004-06-29T18:54:21.906-07:00Revolution--Kirk Franklin--from the album "Nu Nation"
this song brought down the house at a step showcase I did the sound for at Evergreen last year. More than any other song, more than 50 cent...any of the other pop songs..this song is a gospel song. It was amazing, I get goose bumps when i hear the song again, just, everyone SCREAMED, stomped...it's a good song, it critques the church, susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1088503657412606052004-06-29T02:34:00.001-07:002004-06-29T03:07:37.413-07:00you can dance if you want to, all the critics love you in New york, you don't have to keep a beat, and they'll all think it's neat, you won't be called naive, if you sing what you believe, all the critics love you in new york....
yeah, that song is officially going into the set list. err dj list.
so little things have been making my cry lately. well, hmm...dharma and greg, there is ansusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1088330559151684542004-06-27T02:28:00.000-07:002004-06-27T03:03:25.166-07:00 My neighbor is playing tetherball. It is 2:28 am and it is driving me absolutely insane. I want to go out there and strangle him. I have NEVER heard or seen anyone at his residence play tetherball before. I think he's been at it for at least 20 minutes...how long, exactly, does one play tetherball with one's self before it becomes boring? He is probably doing it to "let off steam", out susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1088121362688807282004-06-24T15:55:00.000-07:002004-06-24T16:56:02.690-07:00Byerlys!
http://winn.com/w6/w6960315.html
i would give a link to the Byerly's website, but i don't want it to ruin the picture i will paint "with my words". Well, we would hardly ever go, because they were always in the rich suburbs, but every once and awhile we would go, as much of urban-hippie-artist people my parents profess to be, i think they really love the suburbs--malls, movie susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1087732854406320022004-06-20T04:44:00.000-07:002004-06-20T05:06:31.833-07:004:44 AM
Well, it's too late again, i drank some weird things in weird sucession last night, and swore not to do the same, not do any of the same tonight, and had 2 beers but still that was too much. I did it because i was bored? I don't really know why... oh i know...i paid 10 dollars to get into an art opening and they didn't have orange juice at the bar, and i didn't want to drink a red susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1087333791523736922004-06-15T13:51:00.000-07:002004-06-15T14:09:51.523-07:00POWER PASH SPOONY!!!
also....girls be ambitious
the road of the ocean
too much time on the internet lately, going down the carpal tunnel.
Lately, on trips to the Pioneer Market, I've been encountering men who seem to be on a desperate search for a wife, and think that maybe i can help them. Once, i was sort of just looking at this guy like everything else, he was fairly susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1087198789786229522004-06-14T00:16:00.000-07:002004-06-14T00:39:49.786-07:00TORNADOES ARE MAGNETIC?
I've been remembering my dreams again lately, and they are...Often set in Olympia. Last night I played a show in some east coast co-of house in a college town, they had kicked out the cool girls cuz they didn't give a shit. The new people were ok but kind of up tight, but maybe a little more committed to the idea of consensus-based decision making. The other girls susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1086205661750367532004-06-02T12:29:00.000-07:002004-06-02T12:47:41.750-07:00WHITE GIRL
"oh, white girl! White girl is THICK. It's doesn't get thicker than that. damn..."
thick. I have been known to be called that. I only sort of know what it means. It means, i got some meat on my bones, but i don't think it means I'm "fat". There are larger ladies than me, by far, but are they called thick too? Ludicris is looking for a thick young lady to pull. Thatsusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1086049576106531732004-05-31T17:26:00.000-07:002004-05-31T17:26:16.106-07:00http://www.lavalife.com/124/guest/main.act;jsessionid=7345E8A9B3028F72C7F3DE64C041C82F.124susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1086031439099719602004-05-31T11:58:00.000-07:002004-05-31T12:23:59.100-07:00MEMORY DAY
the headline on the paper said: in honor of the veterans, but then had a picture of a military graveyard...i guess I'm confused about memorial day, is it for ALL veterans, or just the dead ones?? If you die in a war, are you a veteran too? I guess i haven't ever paid too much attention to this holiday, except for: brat roasts in Willmar, MN, the poppies that they sell, and we susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1085717689795158462004-05-27T20:57:00.000-07:002004-05-27T21:14:49.796-07:00BACK IN L.A.
i am back in los angeles. the first thing i felt when i was in my room again is "ok, i'm not crazy." I guess i didn't notice that i had been feeling crazy since i had left, on my trip. I had been gone for 3 weeks. Only one week of it was I actually doing much of anything. i was supposed to finish my essay, I did do a little work, building, important work, but mostly just susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1083316636277433672004-04-30T02:06:00.000-07:002004-04-30T02:21:34.403-07:00I FALL FOR IT
every time. just, fall into it, and it doesn't seem that bad. Not that fufilling, but like a learning expereince. Always a different sesation. This time, growth, development---verbalization, a nodding of the head, respecting what is requested. A sweetness (to be rebuffed later on, tender does not want to be revealed, in these, and complex manuvuers must be upheld to keep susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1082877713574394882004-04-24T23:55:00.000-07:002004-04-25T00:26:04.733-07:00MY UNIBROW IS STARTING
Yes, the dream that dare not speak it's name is finally starting to come true for me. I don't know why today is the day I saw it. I have this really cute little tuft of eybrow hair right in the middle of the space inbetween my eyebrows. I can finally ...i think i have a sun stroke, i can't think of a funny way to end this.
i saw THE worst piece of theater susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1082706157709144632004-04-23T00:19:00.000-07:002004-04-23T00:50:14.840-07:00I GOT STOOD UP
....for a tatoo. Some people take thier tatoos very seriously. I don't have to, because i don't have any. Probably because I don't take them very seriously. I didn't just get stood up ONCE for a tatoo, but once again. later on, which means i was stood up TWICE. For 2 tatoos. In one evening. By one person.
Which i reacted to with the most obvious choice of activites---I susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1082362660231554892004-04-19T00:49:00.000-07:002004-04-19T01:24:49.560-07:00well, I live in LA. Sometimes i wonder why. It's a perfectly good place to live. but, to meet people...to work on music? I am trying to work on music. When I have inspiration, something goes wrong with my computer, when i get something done, it sounds bad or weird, or, in the case of hearing me voice recorded, makes me depressed and throughs me into depression and extreme self-doubt. And i susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1082189871044196212004-04-17T00:57:00.000-07:002004-04-17T01:21:51.216-07:00I cried when i got my period.
not for what you might think: I was really hoping I would be six feet tall. When i got my period at 15 (that's kind of late now a days), i was 5'8" and one half, i knew it was the end of the line: this was pretty much it.
Lately i've been wishing i was short. to blend in more with the people i see each day, a little more, so i'd only be anglo susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1074235389218107812004-01-15T22:27:00.000-08:002004-01-15T22:45:02.733-08:00REFI BOOM!
i am so naseous right now, i don't know how to spell it, oh, oh thai food, they were righ tnot to eat it--the best friends forever. The best friends forever sound fantastic, they are great and i wish i could record them. I, sound.....not awful, but it feels awful, i feel all closed up and off, like i'm holding back. if i let loose i might have to cry, god damn fucking susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1074156976519954862004-01-15T00:52:00.000-08:002004-01-15T01:00:53.310-08:00music i want: dj boogie, breaker!breaker! all those montreal kids: barcelona pavillion, les georges leningrad, steve's stuff....i really wish i had recorded the bell choir at my old church, they were playing this really beautiful song. what else? lady love, god dammit i haven't found it yet!!!
i want to write my essay. i want dance songs to perform.
i want a digital camera and a md susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1074156492935178512004-01-15T00:31:00.000-08:002004-01-15T00:50:04.966-08:00so...i'm in the minneapolis, feeling deeply minnesotan...the good and the bad parts, and what a crazy world it is, it's getting to be forgien to me, how people act and feel here. just how timid but full of anger and spite, nothing is talked about, full of hurt. how "nice" everyone is but also scared of things that seem a little...different. going back to my church...i wish i could stay there, susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1073712788317453512004-01-09T21:24:00.000-08:002004-01-09T21:33:28.466-08:00FINDING YOUR AUDIENCE
Maybe, as an artist, you would want everyone to be your audience. then you are a pop artist, maybe. maybe as a person you would want everyone to like you, are you then a pop person? i want everyone to like while i'm on stage. or feel like we are having fun together. even if they don't get it? is that possible? well, maybe not. just playing to whoever, right? susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1073586998380283832004-01-08T10:21:00.000-08:002004-01-08T10:36:58.063-08:00well let's see...i am in Minneapolis, the land of...avoidance? making due? depression? My whole family is on prozac, ok that's not true, two memebers are and they think the other two members should be on it. They say they are so so happy and so much better but it all seems the same to me, on the outside. they do pretty much the same things still, they act the same. i guess they just must susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1073075288576503762004-01-02T12:03:00.000-08:002004-01-02T12:28:26.783-08:00I had a dream on new year's eve: the only part the internet needs to know about is that i was retelling a tale about how some community i was involved in, a person in it told be i was questioning it too much, that i had no faith, and i said I cannot believe in something if i can't be critical of it. Which seemed really profound at the time., like most things do when i'm asleep. Which brings mesusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1072847515144791222003-12-30T21:06:00.000-08:002004-01-02T12:03:41.240-08:00" i fucked her up the ass once." "with your dick?" "no, with my hand, but it was fucking hot." "she's such a top." "yeah, she's a top and i am too, i don't know if we'd ever hook up again. it would have to be some sort of situtaion with someone else."
i am typing this and this is what my roommate and his guest are talking of. i wonder if blogger will censor it.
I, was conversly susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1072805265123698812003-12-30T09:22:00.000-08:002003-12-30T09:33:48.080-08:00I am going to have a Peroshki party, a tea party for New Year's Eve. A morning pilgramage to Brighton Beach, I will walk on the sands and throw my wishes out for the new year. Then buy peroshkis for everyone, make soup and have beet salad too.
Then the St Marks Poetry reading and the black eyed peas you must eat. They will be good, I'll figure out a way.
Today I am going to Chinatown susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1072767110062377822003-12-29T22:32:00.000-08:002003-12-29T22:52:07.010-08:00i tunes can be a good little dj of itself. stringing good things together. you can get sucked into this little machine as if it is your whole globe. it's best to set limits, then, like a good mother to yourself who knows that children long for a little displine--not cruelty, just structure. it promises so much! music, i can do so much on this thing! execept have real talks with real friendssusanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6262595.post-1072764054269297112003-12-29T22:00:00.000-08:002003-12-29T22:01:11.910-08:00ok. this is my new web writing output place. hi there.susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16752080691421564630noreply@blogger.com0